By Forrest Wayne Schultz
For every step she climbed Princess Akivasha became ever more enraged at those Bama bunglers for their egregious failure to dispose of this plebeian girl now nearing the apex of this hill here in the boondocks of north Jawjuh. Hah! She would soon show this Laithie what a Jaw was – the VAMPIRE Jaw!!
The only problem – and it was worsening more and more lately – was that every time Akivasha gloated over the failure of others, she was tormented by the vivid remembrance of her own abysmal failure to seduce Conan. That Barbarian was able to perceive that her great beauty was not natural but the result of her trafficking with dark forces.
In her extreme self-centeredness she was unaware of the even greater pain in the hearts of her two cohorts – Eric and Thor – the Norsemen who will be able to positively identify the Vinland Monolith and to translate the runic inscriptions on it carved by Leif Ericson a millennium ago. Their torment was so great because this mission brought back memories of their erstwhile great friendship with Leif The Blessed, which was destroyed by their foolish and malicious embrace of the darkness.
They caught up with Laithie as she rounded the last bend and then – they beheld it – The Runes Of Leif!! The experience was so overwhelming that they cried out in repentance to God, Who magnanimously granted them forgiveness and new hearts and new bodies from which all vampiric degeneration was expunged, thereby restoring them to full humanness!! Now they no longer needed nor desired the Satanic protection from the Sun; instead, they now gloried in its splendid light and basked in its warmth as they overflowed with gratitude to God, Whom they thanked profusely for restoring their humanity and thereby re-establishing their friendship with Leif The Highly Favored.
Akivasha was so astonished at beholding this miraculous transformation that it took her several minutes to become enraged at it. And to Laithie's plea to her that she also repent, she emphatically and demonically replied "NEVER!!!!!", whereupon God's instrument The Cyanoring stripped her of her demonic powers, slew her, and cast her body off of the cliff and into the super-deep river below, which loves to entomb the ultra-wicked.
Laithie then said Good Bye to Eric and Thor and returned to her fellowship across the border in Alabama.
Eric and Thor spent the rest of the day translating Leif's message and planning how to spread it to America and praying for God's help, guidance, and protection. Stressed in the message are the Scriptures which deal with God's ability to deliver men from the most wretched of bondages, such as vampirism and other demonic traps, and from self-centeredness into a joyous life of service to others. Leif himself set a great example of this in his own life. Unlike Columbus, he treated his sailors right so that hundreds of years later men would exclaim with pride and joy how their ancestors had sailed with Leif Ericson. Columbus treated his sailors so abominably they came close to mutiny. Columbus also – and this now finally is becoming known – mistreated the "Indians", thereby setting the example followed by many other European colonists of the Americas. And, unlike the notion being proclaimed by some well-meaning Christians, Columbus did not proclaim the Biblical Gospel but the gross perversion of it common in his time, which involved a coercive imposition of a State and Church tyranny. In contrast, Leif Ericson in his Vinland colony treated the skraelings with dignity and there was a good relationship with them until it was ruined by Leif's wicked sister who came there acting like a tyrannical queen, which destroyed Vinland.
This contrast of Leif's godliness with Columbus's wickedness will be the heart of the message Eric and Thor will proclaim. They will exhort Americans to follow Leif's example and repudiate Columbus's example. To this end they will lobby for the end of Columbus Day and its replacement by Leif Ericson Day!! Yesssss!!! The reason being that Leif's godliness and humility is what pleases God and is a blessing to man. Columbus was arrogant not only as captain of his ship but in insisting in being addressed by his ridiculous title Admiral of The Ocean Sea!! Columbus was inhuman, an unman, as C. S. Lewis put it. By contrast, Leif is The Man!!
October 14, 2011
The vampirology in this story – vampires can be converted – I learned from Ellen Maze in her novel Rabbit: Chasing Beth Rider.
I learned of the Conan/Akivasha story from the essay "Robert E. Howard: Twentieth Century Mythmaker" by Charles Hoffman.
I learned the facts in the Leif/Columbus contrast from sources too numerous to list here. The Vinland Monolith in North GA mountains, though, is fiction. I placed it at the western end of north GA to contrast it with the Humanist notions in the Elberton Guidestones, at the eastern end of north GA