Friday, October 14, 2011



By Forrest Wayne Schultz

For every step she climbed Princess Akivasha became ever more enraged at those Bama bunglers for their egregious failure to dispose of this plebeian girl now nearing the apex of this hill here in the boondocks of north Jawjuh. Hah! She would soon show this Laithie what a Jaw was – the VAMPIRE Jaw!!

The only problem – and it was worsening more and more lately – was that every time Akivasha gloated over the failure of others, she was tormented by the vivid remembrance of her own abysmal failure to seduce Conan. That Barbarian was able to perceive that her great beauty was not natural but the result of her trafficking with dark forces.

In her extreme self-centeredness she was unaware of the even greater pain in the hearts of her two cohorts – Eric and Thor – the Norsemen who will be able to positively identify the Vinland Monolith and to translate the runic inscriptions on it carved by Leif Ericson a millennium ago. Their torment was so great because this mission brought back memories of their erstwhile great friendship with Leif The Blessed, which was destroyed by their foolish and malicious embrace of the darkness.

They caught up with Laithie as she rounded the last bend and then – they beheld it – The Runes Of Leif!! The experience was so overwhelming that they cried out in repentance to God, Who magnanimously granted them forgiveness and new hearts and new bodies from which all vampiric degeneration was expunged, thereby restoring them to full humanness!! Now they no longer needed nor desired the Satanic protection from the Sun; instead, they now gloried in its splendid light and basked in its warmth as they overflowed with gratitude to God, Whom they thanked profusely for restoring their humanity and thereby re-establishing their friendship with Leif The Highly Favored.

Akivasha was so astonished at beholding this miraculous transformation that it took her several minutes to become enraged at it. And to Laithie's plea to her that she also repent, she emphatically and demonically replied "NEVER!!!!!", whereupon God's instrument The Cyanoring stripped her of her demonic powers, slew her, and cast her body off of the cliff and into the super-deep river below, which loves to entomb the ultra-wicked.

Laithie then said Good Bye to Eric and Thor and returned to her fellowship across the border in Alabama.


Eric and Thor spent the rest of the day translating Leif's message and planning how to spread it to America and praying for God's help, guidance, and protection. Stressed in the message are the Scriptures which deal with God's ability to deliver men from the most wretched of bondages, such as vampirism and other demonic traps, and from self-centeredness into a joyous life of service to others. Leif himself set a great example of this in his own life. Unlike Columbus, he treated his sailors right so that hundreds of years later men would exclaim with pride and joy how their ancestors had sailed with Leif Ericson. Columbus treated his sailors so abominably they came close to mutiny. Columbus also – and this now finally is becoming known – mistreated the "Indians", thereby setting the example followed by many other European colonists of the Americas. And, unlike the notion being proclaimed by some well-meaning Christians, Columbus did not proclaim the Biblical Gospel but the gross perversion of it common in his time, which involved a coercive imposition of a State and Church tyranny. In contrast, Leif Ericson in his Vinland colony treated the skraelings with dignity and there was a good relationship with them until it was ruined by Leif's wicked sister who came there acting like a tyrannical queen, which destroyed Vinland.

This contrast of Leif's godliness with Columbus's wickedness will be the heart of the message Eric and Thor will proclaim. They will exhort Americans to follow Leif's example and repudiate Columbus's example. To this end they will lobby for the end of Columbus Day and its replacement by Leif Ericson Day!! Yesssss!!! The reason being that Leif's godliness and humility is what pleases God and is a blessing to man. Columbus was arrogant not only as captain of his ship but in insisting in being addressed by his ridiculous title Admiral of The Ocean Sea!! Columbus was inhuman, an unman, as C. S. Lewis put it. By contrast, Leif is The Man!!

October 14, 2011


The vampirology in this story – vampires can be converted – I learned from Ellen Maze in her novel Rabbit: Chasing Beth Rider.

I learned of the Conan/Akivasha story from the essay "Robert E. Howard: Twentieth Century Mythmaker" by Charles Hoffman.

I learned the facts in the Leif/Columbus contrast from sources too numerous to list here. The Vinland Monolith in North GA mountains, though, is fiction. I placed it at the western end of north GA to contrast it with the Humanist notions in the Elberton Guidestones, at the eastern end of north GA


Tuesday, August 2, 2011

My Dog Spike

My Dog Spike

By Forrest W. Schultz


I got the idea of writing "my Dog Spike" from a book with a similar title I just finished reading: My Dog Skip by Willie Morris. But there the similarity ends. For one thing, my father's farm and our Pennsylvania Dutch community were very different – both sociologically and geographically – from the area in Mississippi where Morris spent his boyhood.

More importantly, Spike was a very different kind of dog from Skip. Spike could not perform any great feats, such as playing football or rescuing me from danger. But he excelled any other dog I have ever known or heard of in his friendliness. Spike was such a beloved dog because he was so friendly. I also liked him because he enjoyed taking long walks with me.

Now this brings up one thing I did not like about him – his penchant for running away, which necessitated our keeping him on a leash. Although we tried to be careful, every now and then Spike would get loose and run away. One time he was gone for so long that we thought we would never see him again. Then one day he turned up on the school playground during recess. My fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Rapp, was very strict but she knew when exceptions were in order: she allowed me to bring Spike into the classroom and I was permitted to use the school telephone to call my mother to come and get him.

My sisters also loved Spike. The best photograph ever taken of him was with my sister Janet.

When I went away to college in Philly, the crowded urban environment there gave me a sort of "claustrophobia" so that after five days I was about at my limit, and so I returned home each weekend of my freshman year. And the first thing I did then was to run in blessed relief through the pastures with my dog Spike.

Morris lacked one great experience with his dog that I had with mine. He was away in England when his dog Skip died. I happened to be back home when my dog Spike died. By then he was very old and spent almost all of his time lying down in the house. I happened to be sitting in a chair near him when he breathed his last. I took him out into the yard and buried him. I was 23 when he died and had had him since I was 9, when he was a puppy. So he had lived the equivalent of about a hundred years for a man.

My mother got other dogs but they were just dogs – none was memorable, as Spike was.


Monday, February 21, 2011


Avengers --  Old and  New

By Forrest W. Schultz


     Around here we take care of each other.  As the closest male relative of my widowed aunt, I am her designated avenger, the one commissioned to execute the man who raped her last night.  This man – if "man" he can be called – lives in a different kind of rural "community" – one where the Sheriff knows of the rapes committed by this "man" and his brother, but does nothing about them.

     After I arrived at the summit of a high hill about a mile from the brothers' farmhouse at about 10 AM, I set up my high powered telescope to conduct a visual surveillance.  I was not surprised when I saw no one or any sign of activity, because the brothers are not expected to return until shortly after twelve noon.  It is Wednesday, and the town (where their auto repair business is located) is still following the traditional rural Southern practice of closing businesses on Wednesday afternoons.

     I was surprised to see a wrecker truck pull into the driveway at 10:29 AM – why had they come home so early?  But, then I looked closely and realized that this was not the wrecker owned by the brothers' business.  Several minutes after it disappeared from view behind the barn, I saw a young woman cautiously walk out of a door in the front of the barn and make her way toward a small building in between the barn and the house.  She entered this building and positioned herself at a window facing the carport at the side of the house.

     An excellent plan!  If the brothers parked in the carport, this would give the woman a direct shot into the side window of their truck.  Indeed, this is precisely what happened!

     As soon as their pickup truck pulled in and came to a stop, the woman shot and killed both with what appeared to be some kind of laser weapon.  She then ran to the back of the barn, drove her wrecker to the carport, and pulled the pickup truck up onto its bed, and drove out the back driveway for a short distance, then over an abandoned road to an abandoned quarry.  She backed the wrecker up to the edge, and then dropped the pickup truck with its executed rapist occupants down into the quarry where it landed in a lake and rapidly plunged into its depths.

     I guess I just saw a new style of avenger, i.e. one of today's tough new women.  On second thought, tough women are not so new.  Some of those old Mountain Mommas were pretty tough!!

February 21, 2011