THE QUEST FOR JANE SMITH

THE   QUEST   FOR   JANE   SMITH

    My friend Gil very hastily placed onto my desk a brand new super-advanced, super-fast computer plus a HUGE amount of cash to pay me to use this computer to collect as much information as I can on a woman named Jane Smith, who lives in Greenville (a small rural town which I have never visited), which is located about an hour’s drive from my house.  Because he did not want to prejudice me in any way, Gil did not tell me his purpose for this information.  Because I am retired, I have been able to devote my efforts full time to Gil’s quest, on which I am making rapid progress because of the excellent computer I am using.

     Speaking of computers, one of the first things I learned about Jane Smith is that she not only does not have a website or blog or social media page, she does not even own a computer (!) nor does she have an email address!  [She also has no cell phone or any of the other things like tablets, i-pads, etc.]

     Speaking of addresses, Jane has lived her entire life in the ancestral Smith house in Greenville, and all of her employment has been at the Smith Beauty Parlor in Greenville (Yes, they call it a beauty parlor, not a salon!), of which she became the Owner last year after the death of her parents.

     Her parents passed away on the same day:  her father died early in the morning of a heart attack, and her mother ten minutes later died of a broken heart!  Jane is their only child, so she now lives alone in the Smith house, which she inherited from them.  She also inherited their bank account and their seat on the local Chamber of Commerce.   This is the only organization to which she belongs, but in it she and her parents have contributed a lot to their community because it does many of the things done in other communities through civic organizations like the Kiwanis Club.

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     Jane was homeschooled by both of her parents.  They both graduated from high school and after that educated themselves mostly by reading informative books and by viewing educational TV programs and VHS & DVD films.  In their salon Jane's mother was the cosmetologist and her father handled the legal, financial, and buildings & grounds matters. Because of her gynecological problems Jane's mother was unable to conceive until she was 40 years old, which is when Jane was born.  So, by then her parents were very well qualified both by their studies and by their experience to provide Jane with an excellent education, which they did.

     Jane's mother and a friend who designs women's clothing worked together to develop what they call an "authentically feminine" clothing and cosmetology 

philosophy, which is set into opposition to these four contemporary fallacious practices: 1. the flaunting of femininity in the "strutting your stuff" concept, which they label "hyper-feminine"; 2. the "sub-feminine" overreaction to this by those women who attempt to hide their femininity by wearing dull, drab, and dowdy clothing; 3. the "anti-feminine" revolt expressed by those women who wear men's clothing; and 4. the "androgynous" clothing rebellion against gender identity.  The details of and arguments for their philosophy, they say, will be found in a soon to be published book they co-authored entitled Clothing and Cosmetics For The Authentic Woman.  The foundation of their thought system is their conviction -- something rarely found in theology -- that God is beautiful & interesting; and that the Devil is ugly & boring!!

     This is all the info I have found so far.  I just now got a call from Gil telling me he is on his way here to pick up my report, so I need to hereby conclude it 

now.

Forrest W. Schultz

July 3, 2017

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