Killer Obits
Please do not ask me how it works: I have this special radio which is able to
pick up super- remote (and super- small) radio stations. Last week as I was moving the dial at random
I happened to pick up the beginning of a broadcast by a station calling itself “Podunk
Radio Coming To You From Out Here In The Boondocks”. The announcer then stated that “the program
you are about to hear is the first in a series of very important ones, to be
broadcast daily, about the subject of Killer
Obits, that is, of obituaries that do not inform us of deaths, but rather
obits which announce deaths in advance because they themselves CAUSE the
deaths!! In style each of them is a
combination of journalism and sermon.
Each of them purports to be a live recording of the message delivered to
the target audience indicated.
The first of these followed immediately
after this introductory statement. It
was delivered to all criminals and terrorists, and, like a sermon it warned
them to immediately repent (or “you shall surely die!”), and like a report on
the CBS Evening News With Scott Pelley, it was short and to the point. After this terse warning/promise all across
the world there were reports of criminals and terrorists who repented and of
many others who suddenly died from no known medical cause.
This same pattern then was repeated daily
with each one aimed at a special group of bad guys. And the results were similar. After the killer obit directed at Communists
was sent to all Commies, a few repented
and the rest were executed, with such results as the Chinese fully repudiating
Communism and the North Koreans doing likewise and announcing plans to reunite
with South Korea. When the killer obit
directed at false religions was sent, most rejected it and were slain while
many repented and sought out Christian churches and missionaries to learn
Christianity. Similarly with the next
obit aimed at Humanists – some repented, and some did not.
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The fifth killer obit was aimed at
those in nominally Christian churches who believed in false doctrines which had
corrupted these churches. Many repented
and many did not. A whole book could be
written about this, but all I will say here is that the most astounding thing was
Pope Francis repenting of Roman Catholicism and urging other RCs to do likewise. The result of this as well as of the
aforementioned obits, was that suddenly everybody was studying the Bible and
changing their thoughts and lives accordingly.
The
following day, the sixth day, was a day of double surprises. Those waiting (and wanting) to be “raptured”
were granted their wish, which got the anti-dispes upset (for obvious reasons),
but which was quite painful for those who were raptured because the first thing
Christ did was to berate them for their false notion of spirituality. He told them, “God and I care about
EVERYTHING, not just spiritual things, so you guys need to get this
straight. Now you shall listen to my
lecture on this…….”. He then abolished
their sin nature (so that they only had a righteous nature), and then proceeded
with his talk.
On earth the Christians also had their
old nature abolished so that they too henceforth only did good and never sinned
any more. As a result they were now in the
right frame of mind to move full speed ahead on straightening things out on
Earth. And, since all the various kinds
of bad guys had been removed, there was nothing standing in their way – it just
took a bit of re-education, which was amazingly rapid now that sin no longer
stood in the way.
In re the American political situation,
Hillary is no longer with us since she refused to repent, but I am pleased to
announce that Bernie Sanders and President Obama and V.P. Joe Biden all
repented, as did many of the Republicans, with the result that the rest of
Obama’s term was great as was his successor, Chris Christie. They all quickly learned and began the
implementation of God’s Law.
Forrest W.
Schultz
November 13,
2015
My thanks to
Stephen King for the ‘killer obit” concept.
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